Introduction

[Jynx]

Sounds like you're sitting in a kind of limbo @Oaktree , waiting for others to make decisions that will impact your wellbeing. That's a tough spot to be. I hope it's not a long wait for their decision, and we'll be here to support you regardless of the outcome 

[Oaktree]

Limbo is right @Jynx 

Nothing I can do to change things. Only took me a month to screw things up royally. Not even a whole calendar month. That must be some kind of record. I just want to start over!

Meggle

[Jynx]

@Oaktree  We can all only do the best we can with what we've got, and sometimes what we've got is a brain that's stuck in unhelpful patterns due to having had to survive something traumatic. Sometimes the hard part is not being too hard on ourselves! 

[Oaktree]

@Jynx 

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@Jynx wrote:

@Oaktree  We can all only do the best we can with what we've got, and sometimes what we've got is a brain that's stuck in unhelpful patterns due to having had to survive something traumatic. Sometimes the hard part is not being too hard on ourselves! 

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I feel like if anyone should understand that then it's my psychologist!!! I feel like they let the maladaptive part of my thinking patterns win which really isn't going to help matters at all.

[Jynx]

@Oaktree  sounds like you are recognising something that is currently not helpful for you - kudos! But also that is super frustrating if you feel that your treating team is not able to see that. Would it be something worth highlighting to them? Like asking for a more collaborative approach to identify and build strategies to manage the maladaptive patterns perhaps. Food for thought. 

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

Yes, It seems that I'll find any excuse not to do what I need to do. However, I have been feeling somewhat more motivated today, despite the apparent absence of activity.

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My post, about corona-virus, was not so much about the virus, but as we are finding universally, about the effects on our own attitudes and relationships with others, during this time. I hope that it is a useful contribution to the discussion.

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If you would like a bit of humour to assist in stability, I'm sure that we can rustle up some thoughts or ideas that could be helpful mutually. Humour is a bit of a funny one for me. Pun intended. I do enjoy good humour, however, find that my own contributions are often subtle and irregular. I know a fellow, in the church group, who has a natural sense of humour. But he thinks it is no longer evident, because it is now not the coarse humour to which he had previously been accustomed. Yet there is not a gathering without a good sprinkling of enjoyable quips and comments from him.

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I believe, even over here in WA, we have been infected with that other virus, defined and described as anxiety, agitation and apprehension. Notice that they are all “A” words. I am well away from where I think that an outbreak is likely, yet even here, though everything is relatively calm, it's still a common topic of conversation. I do agree that it is something that we are going to have to accept, as with us for quite sometime. On the other hand, two years from now, I hope we will be saying, “Remember the virus....” in the past tense.

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I think I also qualify as at relatively high risk. However, I could also be at high risk of getting the flu followed by pneumonia, but if I let that worry me, I couldn't have a life either way. So, I endeavour to take appropriate cautions and continue to live my life in the best way that I can. It might be easy for me to say, but I am not worried about it. If I drive a car, cross the road, ride a bicycle or motor-bike, I am probably at the same or more risk, than I would be, even in a so called “hot spot”.

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I wonder why you would think that a letter to the psychologist would be likely to make things worse? Is it the pushing away, on your part, or the threat of abandonment that worries you most? It sounds like the tables have been turned from what you were saying about how you didn't know whether you could go through the therapy process. Now, I hear you saying that they are telling you that you are not “well enough or stable enough to see them.” I hear also that you are really wanting help, but are unsure with which process you could cope. It certainly seems to me, that you are dealing with a difficult dilemma. If writing things here will help you, I think you are aware that I am happy to listen and seriously avoid judgement or criticism.

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In your comment, you say, “I decided to keep taking my medication for now, until they make their final decision about whether or not they will keep seeing me.” This comment seems to say to me that you are still seeking assistance from the psychologist and clinic. Needless to say, I very much support that wish and intention, but will understand, because of the reasons you have stated, if that is not an option with which you want to proceed.

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There are three articles at which I would like you to have a look. They are what I would consider a soft approach to what we have previously discussed, and hope that they may be of interest to you, and be informative. If you would like to talk about any of the information there, I would be happy to discuss the material and any potential benefits that you might see.

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The website is called “verywellmind” and the pages are:

The role of a schema in Psychology

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-schema-2795873

Self-Schemas in psychology

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-self-schema-2795026

What Are the Big Five Dimensions of Personality?

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-big-five-personality-dimensions-2795422

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These pages, I have found to be very informative and clear. They talk in general terms about our own initial, then self-structured, developed and changeable models of character, personality and identity. The information is provided in a clear understandable way. There is very little, if any reference to therapy. I think that there is none. The information is such that I would believe to be useful for many forum members, including me. Consequently, I will be reading them in more depth for what may be to my benefit.

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At the moment, I would like to see how much help that you are able to give yourself, without pressure, without going “backwards in your mind”, right in the present, the here and now. I believe that there is a good deal that you can initially do for yourself. If I can help in any way, I would, as you know, be happy to do so.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

I did go and read your Corona discussion. I particularly got a lot out of the bit about boundaries. In my psychologist's way I think they are just trying to establish clear boundaries with me. Make me make a firm decision one way or the other which way I want to jump and then try to support me from there. I tend to hear only the negative aspects of what is said but in actuality I think the ball is still in my court and it will all depend on what I do next. I don't think I will deliver the letter but I will phone up and speak to them instead. I do feel like they are in a long list of people who have or will abandon me and that is not a great feeling because I really trusted my psych. I don't place my trust or faith in a great many people because I tend to end up hurt. I was feeling very hurt by Thursday's conversation with my psych because I didn't see it coming and it suddenly went from a very cordial relationship to downright adversarial. I will take a look at your links and get back to you.

[Oaktree]

Oh @HenryX 

It would seem that I have a high amount of neuroticism. Not something to be proud of...

[HenryX]

Hi @Oaktree 

Meg, it is interesting that the paragraph, on boundaries, was added a day after the initial post. I am very pleased, therefore, that you had not read it earlier. And even more pleased that you felt that it had some positive meaning for you.

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It is also good that there may be a more positive perspective, for you, in terms of the position of the psychologist. I do like the way that you considered, or maybe, reconsidered the situation between your psychologist and you, and their desire to support you, and not abandon you. Also good the way that you now consider the “ball still in play” and you are “still in the match.” Great !!

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The letter is/was still a worthwhile exercise, because you have had the opportunity to put your thoughts down, and then to consider them. Remember also, that we can project our fears onto other people, for them, either in reality, or in our own mind, to act out. There can also be the issue of self-sabotage, to produce an outcome that fulfils our worst expectation, even to the point of leaving first to prevent the other person from taking the steps that lead to what we may consider, being abandoned. I have some empathy and sympathy for professional people, who have to, in some way disconnect at the completion of their time with a client. It must be very difficult for a professional person to put alternative choices on the table, without knowing how their client will react. The psychologist, in such a situation, may present in a way that they know is “professionally right”, but they may be left liking themselves less, for having to take those steps.

I believe, that as the time with a counsellor or therapist comes to a close, as long as the closing statement “call me if you would like to talk” stands, then you have not been abandoned.

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Thank you again for talking with me. I hope that my observations are useful and the conversation part, interesting.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Golly Meg, Where did that come from. Had you read the references that quickly.

I did a skim read of the refernces and they looked like interesting info that would be relevant in the present. The Wikepedia site states,

"Not to be confused with Neurosis.

In the study of psychology, neuroticism has been considered a fundamental personality trait." I didn't want to read further because I'm sensitive.....

So, we do need to be careful. I would probably be categorised as rating fairly high in the neuroticism personality trait.

I think that people high in this area are also possibly empathic, sensitive to the needs of self and others, etc.

We all have highs and lows on scales. These highs and lows are what gives contrast and difference in character. I don't believe that they should be used to demonise ourselves or others.

I like, what appears to be, the American Indian style of identifying someone by their qualities, speed, agility, sight, etc. Each person having their best quality identified, acknowledged, utilised and applied for the common benefit.

Look for your favourite qualities Meg. Maybe we can work on that for both of us.

Best Wishes

@HenryX