@FloatingFeather Thank you for taking the time to read my rather long post and responding in such a positive and empathetic manner. I'm sorry to hear of your own sad chapter with your own father and I completely agree that it is the most difficult time watching their demise, their suffering and that final transition into care and the guilt!!!

I've been reflecting upon some the responses received and trying to take stock of what baby steps we are making. Part of the problem is our lack of patience and frustration. We find it very difficult to be optimistic and motivating. We do struggle to motivate ourselves to be healthy too its just that he is young and has his whole life ahead of him and whilst we are middle aged and now heavier we were both active and living far more actively than our son is. Especially with all the visits to nursing homes over 6 years between mum and dad it's so obvious that you need to make the most of each day and added to that, I play tennis with people in their 70s who would run rings around our son - it's like he's imprisoned himself in his own nursing home facility way too early. People would love to have his height, just over 6 feet 4 inches and he hides away, becoming very hunched over.....breaks our hearts. Sleeps much of the day away but I did make a medical appointment for him and asked him to investigate if he has sleep apnoea as he had a scary episode when he couldn't breathe one day recently (I think it was anxiety based but asked him to explore the possibility that coupled with his snoring he could have sleep apnoea which prevents oxygen getting through to your brain which could cause dementia if left unchecked...) Anyway I'm sure you think I'm a nut now but he went to the Dr and liked him so it was a win. The Dr gently told him he needs to lose some weight and has done bloods etc (that's another story for another time) so that is an achievement and a new beginning after no medical assessments in well over a year or 2.

In regard to your suggestion to investigate a job in a petshop - there's nothing like that available in the region where we live at present. I convinced him to apply as a volunteer for RSPCA before Xmas but he never heard back. When I looked more deeply into the positions that they wanted filled by volunteers, they wanted experienced people with landscaping, skills etc nothing related to animal handling etc.

E (our son) is very ritualistic with motor tasks and it has cost him with employment, you should see him making a goyza where his OCD kicks in....I guess I'm not always as patient as I should be. I try to encourage him with his cooking, writing and ask if he would like to be matched up with someone who could mentor him and give him feedback but he's not interested to date. He loves his cat - and he loves screens - watching movie after movie, and gaming - especially ones with a story. He also loves music - listening to it anything from epic instrumentals, often used in movies or games to heavy metal - an eclectic taste. He loves Asian food too, now after many many years of chicken nuggets and my lasagne so I bought him RecipeTinEats for Christmas and we are slowly making our way together through, cooking some of the foods that he enjoys and trying to build his confidence.He's laughing his head off now as happy as larry - gaming with an online friend.

I've petitioned my husband to teach him how to cut the grass (single turn) and he's done part of the lawn twice now and he's very good at it, just very slow and meticulous. There's a pattern there and no employee has patience for it so I guess I'm conscious of that and lack patience and want to throw a firecracker under him to get him moving faster in everything he does. Mean mumma I am.

In regard to counselling, I've dabbled in it intermittently mostly when I hit rock bottom and have been completely overwhelmed with the challenge of our son and either or both parents simultaneously. My husband is not open to it - he thinks nothing is going to change and we just have to accept our situation but I keep chipping away aiming for baby steps. I think it's my job as his mum to be ambitious for him- perhaps its just getting the tension right that is my roadblock with my lack of patience part of the obstacle. I hope you and your family are having a good week.