@Ruby_Bear   I’m a little like you, that I don’t have any interest either.  My husband sees sex as love, I see sex as sex - I attach no love at all.

I was sexually abused between age 8 to 12.  At 8 by a group of 4, 1 of these people assaulted me again a couple of weeks later.  I was assaulted at 10 by another person and then by an old man for almost 2 years while I was 11 and 12.  By the end of the last assault it was becoming frequent and violent.  I also never told or spoke of the abuse for 40 years.

When I married my husband I told him I had been sexually abused but gave no real detail.  About 20months ago something happened that put us into marriage councilling and it was during a session that I realised just how

differently I thought about sex.  This realisation about sex then put me into one on one councilling to help with my past sexual abuse.

My husband feels love and sex are the same thing, that having sex shows how much you love each other.  For me, sex has nothing to do with love.  From that very first time at age 8, sex was painful, confusing and done TO me, not WITH me.  I don’t think there will ever be a time where sex means anything more than an act that I put up with for the sake of my husband.

I can’t stand anyone actually touching me, massages are my worst nightmare, dancing as a couple makes my skin crawl, anything “sensual” that involves touching I hate.

But like you, I want that connection too.  Unfortunately I have no answer for you on how to fix it.  Through councilling my husband now knows about the abuse, he knows every horrible detail so he approaches sex differently now and is more understanding when I just don’t want it.  I see it as a chore and I could

live without it for the rest of my life, but that is unfair on him so I do just sometimes “do it” for him.