Hi @Former-Member,

It is an important subject and one that has effected me in different ways over my time with bipolar. First of all, I did have a time around several years ago when I was reacting to sex in a way similar to what you described: getting distressed during the act and breaking down into heaving tears afterwards. This was the culmination of a long time of feeling like I was being abused when I was just having sex with my partner. It also coincided with a breakdown that caused me to leave my job, withdraw almost completely from the outside world and sleep up to 20 hours a day without knowing at what time of day I'd be awake or asleep. Everything about me was breaking down so it's not so surprising that my sex life reached rock bottom at that time too.

After that my partner and I started sleeping in separate beds and decided to take a break from sex for quite some time. This allowed us both time to recover from what was turning into a traumatic experience for both of us every time we had sex. Since that time, we have slowly restarted our sex life and are now having sex at least once a month (sometimes more). We're much more gentle with our sex life now than we used to be and are healing from past difficulties. We have a weekly 'date night' where we at least get naked with each other and cuddle, no pressure on either of us to 'perform'. Luckily, like you, my partner has stuck with me through the ups and downs of my sexual issues. Our relationship has been going for over 12 years now.

I feel for you with what you are going through and am really hoping you and your partner can find more joy in sex again in future.