i want to clarify that i’m not exactly trying to self diagnose with something else but i want to help understand myself and find what might help. i’m safe right now and i mainly just want to share my thoughts and i’m willing to hear things that could help me in any way.   i’ve felt for a long time that just depression and anxiety as my diagnosis doesn’t quite fit everything even though i’ve been diagnosed for a few years now. they could possibly explain what’s happening but it’s just that how i feel my mental health is different to what i’m currently diagnosed with.   i have an intense fear of abandonment & i can’t tell the difference between real or imagined abandoning. i feel my emotions very strongly and i forget what other feelings feel like but if i’m not feeling something greatly then i feel empty. i hold a lot of the negative emotions inside me though because i feel as though my upset/anger/sadness/frustration is too much and will cause someone to leave me which quite often leads to giving in to dark thoughts. sometimes even if i think i’m too happy i can get the urge. also more nights than not i have bad dreams and they always feel so real, even if they are a bit out there. just recently i had a dream where i was pulling a very very long hair out of my throat that kept snapping to find it was attached to a half dead orchid plant that had gotten stuck on where my tonsils used to be and when i woke up i swear i could still physically feel the throat pain along with feeling so disoriented and confused and upset. i don’t have very unstable relationships but i tend to perceive the relationship as either good or bad in my head but i’m too scared to rock the boat to cause any actual stuff to happen because i worry they’ll think of me badly or leave me. i definitely don’t have the best self-worth and think that everyone also see’s me as below everyone else. i dont get much pleasure from things i had thought i liked so i usually just push through the hobbies that are a bit easier for me so i’m still doing them. my whole life i’ve had to hold all my feelings in until i’m alone. and j’ve always struggled with keeping connections with people because i dont know they’re true intentions so i cant trust them to stay or even just trust them in general.    but thankyou heaps for letting me share my thoughts and i hope that everyone has a good rest of their day.  ... View more