Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

hello all of my fellow travellers

my thoughts of new years eve are indifferent. i believe this is attuned to my illness.

i wish it was not the case however it is as it is for now.

so to all of you who enjoy and celebrate happy new year.

to others who feel the same as I or have other thoughts, stay safe, stay healthy and calm.

thank you each and every one of you who has come in to my world through this technology. I hate computers but I love this connection.

You have helped me in more ways than you could possibly imagine through another difficult turn in my journey.

happy safe travelling my companions  ........ gigantic group hug - ggh.... i rather like that

[Former-Member]

have also copied and pasted this to the far side

[Former-Member]

New Year's Eve is a really messy time for me. This year is the hardest. It's the time you are supposed to reflect on the year that's been and have hope for the new year. All I feel right now is intense shame for the year gone and paralysing fear for the year coming. It will be an intense 48 hours trying to stay safe. I am so scared. Thank you for sharing @Former-Member.

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

yes i understand your feeling that way.

i think that is what new years eve represents for so many of us who are struggling with our emotions.

when i am at my worse I now tell myself that I am feeling anxiety, failure, guilt, etc etc etc however i am not ready to explore these feelings at this time. I am not going to bury them. I am just going to move them over to the left where i have a shelf. for some bizarre reason it is always on the left. that shelf must be buckling with the load,

perhaps i am protecting my heart.

So effectively what I am doing is choosing not to listen to or act on the incessant chatter in my chaotic mind. i am just telling myself that it is there and that is fine it is not going to overtake me or affect me at this time.

When I am ready I will go back and break it down or it may appear back. The patterned thinking is very clever. i have built up this web for many many years.

Today it is not going to entrap me.

one day at a time.

fear of the future anxiety of course. again patterned thinking. so as i have been told recently i am going to focus on my breathing. i must remember to breathe from my tummy not my chest. when i forget to do this and have chest tightness or pain i put my hand on my tummy and start again until i am calm.

the fear cannot hurt me only if i allow it to. I will not let it hurt me. i have carried it too long now.

This wonderful group of companions I have met on here, each so rare and beautiful in their own way are with me in my thoughts at different fleeting  moments.

The reason for that is because I now have people who are reading my words , responding therefore i am feeling  heard.

so know that throughout these 48 hours your companions , friends, dear ones, are with you tucked in to your heart. just gently pat your heart to remind you. feel the moment. then remember to breathe and have calm.

you are not alone in this

will be thinking of you remember xxxxxx

[Appleblossom]

I love reading your calm reflective posts @Former-Member

Their wisdom seeps into me.

[Kurra]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Appleblossom
When you consider that our calendar is man-made, there is no end of any year nor a new year.
The sun rises to herald the dawning of a new day and sets as darkness falls. This is the pattern of life.
There's no musts or should bes (interesting don't know how to spell that and too lazy to look it up).
Society chooses to celebrate this time of year but really it's just another reason for a party. Some participate and others don't.
Either way, it's no big deal. 💕🎶

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

New years eve for me is always a time of reflecting back on the year it was.  But this year hasn't been a good year. A major change was putting my mother in law in aged care in Feb due to dementia. After living with us for 20 yrs it was a huge adjustment.

I often look back and think of all the negatives because i can't find any posiitives.  But I guess finding a new psychologist is positive as she sounds like she is willing to help me.  Losing my old therapist was a real blow especially after 5 years.

Being admitted into hospital three times this year (2 for mental health, one for asthma) has been hard financially.  

But I am staying positive for next year with a change of house, children moving out and seeing what the year brings.

My year this year wasn't a good year so i am hoping that the new year brings health, less struggle on my mental health and happiness.

[notmyrealname1]

Hi BlueBay,

Your name was mentioned to me as someone who's had issued with BPD, would you be able to chat about that?

Kind regards 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @moghill, Teej, apple, bluebay, shaz, notmyrealname1... ...

NYE, once I get over the shock - that I survived another year, we all did. And with no plans to party, again :(, just by myself. I'm reflecting how calm I've become in my own skin and how people leaving me out all the time just nearly hurts anymore. Oh how devastated I would be over and over all through the year with that abandonment BPD thing. Don't k ow how, possibly the self compassion therapy, ACT over the last year, who knows, but I honestly OK with the fact that nobody's gonna knock on my door or ring or write or invite, hug or kiss me today, and I'm not upset being alone anymore. Guess I don't feel so alone anymore having reconnected...

Anyway, new year:

I'm doing my new year thing
- filling out my new diary
- reviewing g the year
- resetting my fortnightly budget
(depressing but necessary, thinking I can't afford a car that's costing 290month to run, crazy when ya add it all up and think about it 😕 And that's excludes payments. Seriously doubt public transport would be so dear.
- updating address book
- planning the year
- thinking of a new mantra
- new years goals
etc

[Former-Member]

Hello! just interrupting, gate crashing threads, grog in hand, kind of a 'pub crawl' to wish you all a Great New Year!!! Stay Strong! 🙂 xox