Not really able to talk about it here as it’s too triggering for others. It’s about memories of childhood trauma. I have just been struggling the last several days
I went and saw my psychologist again today. I had really struggled since our last appointment and yesterday my psychiatrist prescribed some medication to help me get through the aftermath. I had a difficult appointment today and I can’t really explain why? She was trying to introduce a protector figure. I felt like such a failure! My problem is that I am experiencing fear from the past here in the present and I am not able to bring myself back into the current moment where I know that I am safe. So basically I just am feeling unsafe the whole time. In the last couple of days I have been having SH’ing urges. I haven’t done that in years and don’t really want to go back there but it is one way to deal with the distress.
My psychologist wants me to do self compassion exercises as well as imagining the protector figure. Also to think of times where I have felt safe and loved. I tried that in the session today but it was hard to find examples. My friend says I am swimming in waters of safety all the time now so that might be why I can’t think of particular instances. Anyway I am finding the whole thing extremely challenging.
I wonder if in the future you can write down list of 'safe' memories, whether you write to yourself or take a voice/video recording? That way, you can bring these up when you have a block and can't think of safe memories?
I acknolwedge it is hard to dig up these memories once there's been an activating issue. @Oaktree
