Nightmares

[EmilyN]

• Hi all,

Currently in a supported mental health hospital for a month...bipolar, chronic depression and anxiety but worst of all suffering the grief of my eldest son who I lost July last year to suicide.

The flashbacks and nightmares of finding him are constant...any suggestions other than medication which I'm already taking.

I've tried...meditation and music.

Anyone know any helpful hints?

[Sparky79]

Hi @EmilyN, welcome to the forum. good on you for having the strength and courage to reach out. I'm sorry for your loss.

I was going to say meditation, but you mentioned you've tried that. bearing in mind there are many types of meditation, guided being the most common, I do recommend looking up the different types though as one may work for you.

I recommend a clinical psych over a general psych, as I have had a better response to actually being given treatment strategies, rather than just venting (but different things work for different people).

Apart from that I hope you have a good support network and contingencies in place should you have a bad day.

Please don't be afraid to reach out for help, whether that's here or from friends and family or the numbers listed here.

[EmilyN]

Thank you for your reply.
I do prefer guided but my thoughts do run away so easily it's hard to stay focused. I will keep trying...being in this hospital again might be a good chance to start again. I have a great clinical psychologist and we work closely together...but I also need to concentrate on my health and window of tolerance also in therapy as it was such a traumatic event.

[AuntGlow]

Hello @EmilyN, 

I just wanted to pop by and welcome you to the forums. I am so glad to see that you have gotten support from the lovely @Sparky79 already. 🥰

It's wonderful to know that you have a great clinical psychologist, especially with all that you have experienced. I can't even begin to imagine how painful losing your son was... there really are no words for an experience like this. Know that I am sitting with you. And please know that our community will always be here for you to turn to as well.

I am happy to support in any way I can from afar. 💛

[Appleblossom]

@EmilyN sometimes journalling and scrapbooking or collecting things that meant something to your son.... Or Photobook. Some way of honouring his life tragically made short. Suicide is one of the most difficult forms of death of a loved one to deal with.... 

Good you have a good therapist.

Gently Bently with you.

[Ed1975]

Hi @EmilyN 

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my brother to suicide 12yrs ago, I've never gotten over it. My mother never got over it either. I am now seeing a psychologist who is starting EMDR for CPTSD, I think she can help with this in my case. Have you looked into a psychologist who offers trauma focused (TF) EMDR. I think this could help you.

[EmilyN]

Thank you so much, having other children is my reason to keep going. It's a painful road but I must keep moving forward each day.
Thank you for your kind words.

[EmilyN]

What a great idea, I'm not very arty or good at drawing etc but scrapbooks and photos I could do.
Thanks!

[EmilyN]

As a mum of other children, I am also trying to navigate being there for them as a mother (they have great supports from others also) but dealing with my illness issues.
When you say never got over it...I fear that....I don't want to have an impact on my other children's lives..but also can't help the way I am too
It's such a juggle..

[Ed1975]

@EmilyN 

Never fear not getting over it. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You can however learn to cope with what happened. I wish you well on your journey.