So well put, @Appleblossom , What you said about writing allowing you explore and vent places you can't, in the public arena. Someone on Sane gave me a bit of encouragement way way back. Lets just say, a journal is for me a place I can sit naked, alone, and vulnerable, and truly meet myself.
@EternalFlower Way way back you wrote about living in a house with 10 broken TV s and not a stick of useful furniture. That sits on the profound shelf in my head. It won't leave, and I will use it one day.
@EternalFlower I see. Sometimes when on the ward I would guess there is an us and them between patients and staff.... not sure if that was part of it....
Sometimes its about being careful whose advice we follow. So many people have opinions, but if actions dont effect their lives they may not be the ones to listen to ... same with me ... we only really make progress when we take agency, but at different times we are not sure which acts ... will be the best for gaining legitimate power and control of our lives.. what is indeed the best course of action???
As he has made the stand that he is not re-engaging, the main thing, is to come to terms the end of the relationship as best you can. Yes you did something, but can you learn about different levels of your own wisdom, and forgive yourself.
Have you heard of the 'locus of control?'
Have you seen the circles of things we can and cannot control ... ?
Maybe there can be a good out of this, if you were being overly dependent on him. Maybe a part of you needed to go it alone ... I do not know and cannot judge. The only person who really knows is you. Go gently with you. A lot has happened, but it might not be all bad.
@tonys that is true about the house with no furniture
And so many TV's
I am supported ok. Got some crises support from CATT. Just feeling run down and sad. Have had some family support but it's hard to explain and just trying to fight the dark dark thoughts
They were there before this as we all know and I didn't have the perfect situation. But a sudden change is hard @Appleblossom@TAB@hanami@tyme
Glad to hear you are safe @EternalFlower and glad to hear you are on Spectrum's waitlist. Dealing with our fear and worry is always difficult, but Spectrum is probably better suited to help you long term than the one to one clinical relationship with your doctor.
I just went and did the deed of the day with my son. Home and ate yummy tuna mornay.
We tend to just do one main meal a day. Funny how things we take for granted do not always stay the same... its no longer 3 for us.
